I am definitely distracted by Cosmic Cow. That's what mascots are supposed to do: distract you from the unpleasant elements of the theme park, and nothing distracts someone from unpleasantness like something even more unpleasant. As she hops about on her sore and stinging mammary glands to the delight of humans who will never and can never fully comprehend her suffering, I can only imagine all the dirt, grime, sharp pebbles, loose change, broken glass, and remnants of park visitor vomit being ground into the leathery flesh of her aching, swollen organ as the days and nights wear on.
She bounces around the park on her own swollen, distended, no doubt aching udder, the tender pink flesh repeatedly squashed, stretched, and compressed, her thick, murky milk sloshing around inside. When I gaze at her, I only think of her as Cosmic Cow, a real creature. She's horrifying in a way that makes me forget she's just someone wearing a costume. That’s why Cosmic Cow is the best Planet Coaster mascot. Even the finest costume and the most magnificent performance can't distract me from the fact that there is an underpaid and extremely sweaty human being inside who would most likely prefer to be anywhere else. Truth be told, I find mascots kind of disturbing.
